Living with RSD/CRPS

I really don't like any other season then Fall anymore. The cold and the rain and the snow make life more difficult for me. I keep trying to think of the positive, but it becomes increasingly more difficult as my pain levels rise and I become more and more trapped indoors. Not that I hate being inside at all, I just don't like feeling stuck indoors. **Sigh** Such is life I guess. What can you do? I find that the cloudy, cold and grey days are kinda depressing. I'm trying hard to stay positive, but the pain in my feet gets worse and I have to start layering up like crazy. Even right now I am freezing, but I guarantee everyone else around me feels completely comfortable. Another grey, rainy cold day.

I have won against another hurdle. I had a lot of great insight last week and was able to pull together and face the challenge at hand. How did I do it? Great question. I started taking the vitamins I had been forgetting to take, using heat, meditating, self-hypnosis, breathing, improving my diet and getting more sleep. Today is my 2 month anniversary and I couldn't be happier. I am also relieved that we were able to get over this. It brings me more hope for the future. Now don't get me wrong. I am still in a ton of pain and have been going to physio and massage almost everyday. Progress has been made and I no longer feel as panicky or overwhelmed as I have been. I can handle this. I am strong. Some days it is easier to be strong then others..... and that is ok. The bad days are when I can lean if I need to and the good days are just better then the bad ones. I have a lidocaine infusion on Thursday am, thank god. I had one Sept. 1st and was due again Sept. 21st, but I just can

Today was a bad day. In fact, this whole week has been bad. They are bound to come along and as a good friend once quoted to me, "This too shall pass. It is like a wave, we face it and it washes over us." I have a wonderful new boyfriend with whom I am so in love with. Since our minor collision, that did major damage to my body, I have felt overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted and panicked. I have had such a wonderful summer and whirlwind romance that I am agitated that I am hurt again, I am annoyed that my wonderful streak is over again, I am angry that I am yet again in this situation and I am feeling vulnerable, desperate, needy and clingy. I want this to be a figment of imagination, and yet again it is not. This is reality. My reality for the present moment. This illness provides so many opportunities for ups and downs and it leaves me feeling quite helpless and out of control and I hate that. I have been pushing the man I love away and probably because I am in such a frazzle

Yesterday I had the unfortunate luck of having someone back into me in a parking lot. My vehicle is an 08 so that sucks obviously, but the worst part is my body of course. If you are reading this, you most likely either have RSD yourself or a loved one. That means you know what I am talking about..... I already have full body RSD, but I have been doing extremely well recently. This is definitely a set back. I am really concerned though that my boyfriend, who I am completely in love with now, still does not understand the seriousness of my pain or what I live with. He says he's here forever, but I also know that if I believe him on that and he can't handle this I will be devastated once again. I am already so attached to Jay and his family that I want to believe him, however, I think until I know for sure for sure that he truly understands my illness; I'm always going to worry about it. ***SIGH*** I feel like I'm going to cry. I hate dealing with this. I have been doing

Jay and I went to the cottage yesterday with his youngest daughter with my family. My siblings took Jay out in our boat. I know it's not the worst thing in the world, but I really wish that I could swim in the lake, go in the boat and go tubing/wakeboarding. It is hard to watch and sit on the dock as they pull away and wish soooo badly I could go too! They went for an hour, had a blast and came back. My cousin Matt also brought his 13 month old son and the kids played together all day. So adorable! We had a really wonderful day and got back at like 10:30 last night. I have been doing a lot more than I am capable of and with that comes more pain flares of course. Thank god I have my lidocaine infusion in 2 days. I was told not to carry more than 5 lbs as I keep irritating the nerves, but I have to say that I am certainly getting more toned the more I am around this baby. Just chasing a crawler & moving her around. Just a bit of toning ya think........and she is a big baby. Ador

There have been a lot of changes in my life since June. I signed up for internet dating and met a bunch of nice guys. I had said all along that should I find a great guy then I wouldn't not get serious, but being serious just wasn't my intention. I met a wonderful guy named Jay. My life has taken such a positive twist since we met. I am so happy now. I never even realized that it was possible to be this happy! He is a couple years older than me and has 2 beautiful daughters. I am still undecided as to whether or not I will have biological children of my own. It's obviously a hard decision. I know that it can be done, but it is scary as no one can guarantee that I wouldn't get a lot worse......... For now I am totally content to be a part of his children's lives. They are adorable and I now feel like I have the meaning in my life that I was searching for. It has been a great summer and as my Bday gets closer, I know that my fall will be just as wonderful. Those sayi

I saw my heart specialist last week and it appears that I will be able to do the ketamine infusion sooner rather than later.....Yay!!! So I am seeing my amazing pain management doctor, Dr Shulman, on Monday to apply to OHIP to see if they can pay for the one available in Florida as they have payed for it before. I am just hoping for the best at this point, because this is so going to cost me an arm and a leg. I am in a new positive mindset and I am not allowing "incurable" to run my life anymore. I just finished reading a book called, "You Can Heal Your Life," by Louise Hay. It has inspired me to use my brain and positivity to overcome the limitations of this illness. Now I do hope that I can do it. I'm not sure if I buy into the you created this for yourself stuff because really, blaming myself for creating a dysfunctional body is not going to make me feel better whatsoever and if I can't control this with my mind, I don't really want another frigging

It has been almost 4 months now since my husband and I separated. A lot is different now. We sold our house, which was my dream home, and I am now living in a Condo for the first time in my life. It is weird to start over. Really weird. I bought my first home 6 years ago with my husband and that was about 1200 square feet with a basement, my last home was 2700 square feet with a walkout basement and now I am literally squished into about 600 square feet condo! It's actually quite funny to me and I have actually never been so organized in my entire life as everything needs a spot in here or this out of control- ness will continue on until I decide to move again. For now it is nice to have a place to call home again instead of mooching off of my parents. I worry a lot because I am nervous about how I will be able to support myself, what does my future hold etc etc. Life is too short though and I was so unhappy and so despite all the terrible and stressful events around me, I actuall

I had every intention of writing on here each and everyday. Sometimes life throws you a curveball though......And that it has! So my husband that I spoke of in my last post decided that this was all too much for him and that has left me in a tailspin. My world turned completely upside down and I tried to get him to reconsider. We have been together a total of 8 & 1/2 years afterall. It seems that he never understood RSD or decided he couldn't believe me and trust me...... Unimaginable that this could happen.....The worst pain that I have felt has never been from the RSD itself...(Of course that is excrucitaing), however it is the family members/friends/loved ones who do not understand or question you or don't believe you or tell you that you shouldn't take medications to manage that hurts the most. It is our support system pulling away that seriously does the MOST damage. The people that are supposed to love you NO MATTER WHAT, or the ones that promise "in sickness

I went to Philadelphia last week to continue doing the prescreening for the Low Dose Ketamine Infusion that I am planning to do to help me achieve much lower pain, at the least, and remission at best. The highly coveted remission! Flying was hard as we had to be at the airport there and back soooo early and I cannot sit for long periods of time without making my pain so much worse. One of the Doctors at Drexel College of Medicine told me that he so far saw no reason that I wouldn't be able to do it. Thank god!!! I am hoping and praying I am able to do this as it is scary to think of the future without it. In my last post I said that nothing good had come of RSD. On retrospect, I realize that that is an extremely negative position to take as I have learnt valuable life lessons from my experience. I would not like to continue with this illness and I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I have and will continue to try to make Lemonade out of the lemons that I have gotten. Unfortunat

It has occured to me before that I am not the only one dealing with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD). It has also occured to me that my husband is not the first to be the "well spouse" in dealing with this illness either. I guess that it didn't occur to me that there is a ridiculously high divorce rate, of 75%, attached to this wonderful illness we call RSD. Now of course we can't all buy into statistics or who would actually get married right? With the 50% or higher chance of failing.....Yet, somehow 75% sounds a lot scarier. Maybe it's that 50/50 gives us a fair shot either way. Now there is nothing fair about RSD......there just isn't. Well, I guess nothing that I have found as of yet. So it concerns me that after all of my losses, the biggest thing that I could lose is still on the table. My wonderful husband and our marriage. He breaks his back everyday so that we can live where we live, drive what we drive and pay for all RSD expenses and that is prett